Are You there, God?
by Agent Michael
Summary: An inner monologue by two of the major characters of the X-Files doing some soul searching.
1. Are You there, God? It's me, Mulder

Disclaimer: Mulder is property of one Chris Carter. And God, well, he's the top guy and yes, I asked permission.  
Dedication and Notes: To those who look at adversity and to those who searching for their truth bring them back to their steadfast or strengthened faith.

* * *

8:07am

Immaculate Conception National Shrine

Washington D.C.

Are You there, God? It's me, Mulder.

I haven't been in this place in quite a long time and I'm beginning to wonder why it hasn't collapsed on itself by now. It's been a long time since I felt the need to talk to You. Scully has spoken about You often. You did a good job with her. With all the crap that this world has handed us, her faith still has remained. You still find time to do some things right.

I know I shouldn't have these; I'm not worthy of them. They're Scully's. Matter of fact I'm wondering right now if she noticed that she didn't put her gold cross on this morning or misplaced it. If I know Scully, she's probably praying right now, turning her place upside down looking for it. In my other hand, I'm holding her Rosary. It's weird because as I am holding them, I feel just as close to her as if she was sitting here right now. Why is it so easy for her to believe in You?

You've never been there for me, have You? I remember that the last time we parted I was so pissed off at You. You took her from me, didn't You? I asked, no, I begged and pleaded with You to return my sister to me. You ignored me. Matter of fact, how do I really know that You are listening to me now. You've taken everything from me. My father murdered for what he knew and participated. My mother took her own life because the burden was too difficult to bear. You've taken my sister away, or allowed her to be taken by people away from her family. I don't have a family anymore. Everything I have loved is now gone. You've even tried taking away Scully from me, more than once.

I'm afraid to love Scully. Loving her means that You'll take her away from me too.

Scully knows You as the God that loves and creates. Then why do You insist that destruction exists too? Are people so obedient that You've demonstrated that You could do both love and hate?

You're still not listening, aren't You?

You gave Scully to me. For that, I thank You. She's been my partner on my quest for the truth. Did You curse her? Her life had so much potential before she met me. She's smart, loyal, persistent, thoughtful, kind, a regular girl scout. She is so sexy too. Everything about her is good. Yet, You cursed her with a life with me in it. Slowly, You are taking everything away from her too. Melissa. She wasn't involved. She was just an innocent bystander. Dana is also losing her brother Bill. She can't get along with him now. He just can't possibly understand my work.

Will I ever know the truth?

I have this poster in my office. It reads, "I want to believe." I guess the stupid thing has more meaning to it than the novelty appearance. I simply want to believe. I can't bring myself to believing in You to the point where Scully has. Because believing in You means that You take the blame for everything.

If you are real, then where will I spend eternity?

Scully's soul has been tested more times than anyone I could ever imagine. Could I still see her when she is with You? Does she come in here and pray for me? Do you listen to her when she prays?

I want to believe.

How's that for an interesting dichotomy? I don't deserve Scully, yet I don't want her to leave me either.

Please don't be mad at me. (Sob)

FIN.


	2. Are You there, God? It's me, Scully

Disclaimer: Scully is property of one Chris Carter. And God, well, he's the top guy and yes, I asked permission.  
Dedication and Notes: This is a sequel to the short story that I wrote with Mulder. This is what Scully's relationship and prayers God could be like. It was also the hardest to write because I am not a mother nor have I known what it is like to not have a father. Hopefully, I am able to convey some sort of depth to Scully's prayers.

* * *

1:07 pm

Immaculate Conception National Shrine

December 24, 2001

Washington D.C.

--

Are you there, God? It's me, Scully.

Do you have time for me? I know you're busy and all being that tomorrow is your special day.

It's a time for special feelings and a time for families to be together. But this year my family is not going to be doing that.

But this is the time when I need him the most. He IS my family and my everything. He shouldn't be robbed of seeing his child growing. I wonder what Mulder would get him for Christmas? A little baseball glove? Maybe the child's first X-Files starter kit? Would Mulder hug my child, my miracle baby?

I miss him every moment that we're apart. I think about him, I wonder if he's safe. I have asked you so many times for you to bring him back to me. He is out there somewhere, hiding from the evil in this world. I need to feel him here. I need to feel his tender touch. I need to know that he is somewhere safe and able to laugh. I need to know if he is using that wonderful charming smile and thinking up some zany one-liners.

If you're up there, and I believe that you are, and you hear me, could you make my Christmas and bring him back to me soon?

You always listen. He always comes back to me.

I need him. He completes my very existence.


	3. Are You there, God? It's me, Doggett

Disclaimer: Special Agent John Doggett is property of one Chris Carter and is excellently portrayed by Robert Patrick. And God, well, I'll assume I have permission to use the Almighty's character likeness.  
Dedication and Notes: To those people who are noble in their virtues and modern culture shuns them.

* * *

1:26 pm

Reflecting Pool, Washington D.C.

Are you there, God? It's me, Doggett.

I don't seem to understand things anymore. Ever since I've joined the X-Files, my life has completely turned upside down. No, that's not entirely true. That was when the day my family was gone and my life was never the same since. I miss my baby boy more and more each day. You know that.

I made a promise and I kept it. When I first was assigned to the X-Files, I had to bring back a legend. No, I was told that I'd be replacing a legend. From the moment I stepped foot in that office, I'd be in over my head.

And then I'd meet her.

I'd made a promise to Scully that I would bring back her partner. I'd find out what happened to Mulder and that I'd reunite them. For a while, I feared that I'd find Mulder dead. Then something deep down inside me wanted to find him alive so that Scully could have her soul mate back. It also wouldn't be fair to Mulder if he didn't have a Scully to come home to. When I'd first taken up the X-Files, I'd promise to myself that I would keep watch over Scully for Mulder. And I did my best. No, I did my darndest to keep my promise to Mulder that Scully would be here for him. And what does it get me?

Nothing. As a matter of fact, all it's gotten me is my world again turned upside down.

I don't get this crazy world anymore. I just don't get any respect.

Monica, though, has been a real trooper through all of this. She's seen my dark side, she's seen my lighter side, and I know her best when she looks back at me with such compassionate understanding eyes.

What do you want from me?

I am a dedicated special agent. I love my job. I love my family and my son. Isn't that noble enough? Charging in headfirst bravely with nothing but blind faith on a partner and friends.

Why? It's because all I can do. I do my job, that's it.

Will you do me a favor? Will you talk to my son? Tell him how much I love him. I miss him.  
FIN.


End file.
